it was raining hard as you stood on the battlefield your clothes wet and covered in a mixture of blood and mud. You stood looking at the bodies of the the men who were willing to give their lives for freedom and the ones who want to steal it from them.
you kept the fact that you were a woman hidden only one man knew and he was your bestfriend since forever and the leader of the army . He didnt want you to join the war but you refused to back down against england.
you wanted freedom and were willing to kill or be killed for it.
you stood by the few soliers who survived so far you watched and waited for the enemy to strike they never did, for arthur was all alone. is knees on the ground cradling his face in his hands
"arthur, you used to be so big" alfred said as a single tear rolled down his cheek from the distance you saw a red figure
hidin among the trees it pointed something aiming toward
you ran as fast as your sore legs could carry you "ALFRED!!!" you leaped in front of the american. A loud bang was heard.
"_____!!!!!" you fell to the ground your body slowly numbing barley able to move.
"__-____!!! n-no please stay with me!!" alfred held your head as you lay on the ground "please!!!! you cant leave i-i love you!!!"
tears where pouring from alfreds eyes as yours became dull
"im so sorry i was such a coward i-i im sorry i couldnt tell you sooner"
"i-i love y-you too....alfred" "____ come on please you have to live!!!"
you reachedyour hand up and cupped his cheek he held your hand and rubbed his cheek against it.
"P-please dont cry alfred i-im happy that you loved me e-even f-for a little while im just sorry i wont be there for you" tears brimmed you eyesthreatining to fall
"p-please _____ d-dont say that your gonna live _____, p-please say it'll be alright"
"d-dont cry alfie b-be happy b-because of you though m-m-my l-live was sho-short you made it the happiest years of my l-life j-just promise me alfred th-that you'll be happy"
the world was gooing fuzzy and your eyelids felt heavy you heard the fading cries of the man you loved.
"______ stay with me please!!!"
as your heart beat quickly fading your breath's were short your last words, no louder than a whisper
Not bad. I'll say I was almost touched, I just noticed a few missing comma's... The only errors I felt were that it just feels kind of rushed, and my death didn't feel like I was dying... I mean, the stuttering was good, but again, it was rushed. More comma's mean more pauses and I feel like that would have improved it a bit more. Good story, though, I definetly liked it a whole bunch! *Two thumbs up!*
difficult to feel
motivated and stay
focused on our goals
all the time. But
how to achieve what
we want, how to not
stand in our
way?Here are some of
my thoughts about
the topic and I hope
that they might be
is hosting an
exciting contest for
you ALL to
participate in! We
hope you're all very
eager to create and
submit your entries,
please read the
To Tell a
Story:The theme of
this contest is to
tell a story, which
Paranoia by - wchild
Reflection by -
meets very smallby -
for heroes by -
xbastex84by - sevron
* by -
scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More